The pictures above are of the first thing you used to see when walking through our front door. Our little shrine if you will. I took these pictures right before we got new carpet installed, knowing I probably wouldn't be putting this display back together in the same way. There was a brief time where I felt that a perfect stranger coming into our home wouldn't know, at first glance, that the baby on the wall was someone else and that was starting to bother me. In all fairness to my living children, I've purchased new frames to display their pictures along with a smaller version of Emma's (I will always keep a picture of her out as I'm not going to completely pretend she didn't exist). We've known other people who have had children die and I totally get it now. Everyone grieves differently, but I am apparently falling on the 'out of sight, out of mind' side of the spectrum. The memories are just too painful sometimes and it's easier to pack those painful reminders away in a special box and pretend it never happened. We've only been to the cemetery ONCE since her first birthday and even then, I stayed in the car with the baby. Am I a total jerk or what!?!
13 comments:
Not a jerk, AT ALL! Time is what will reveal to you how to grieve, how to remember, how to continue to love, and how to learn how to live. You are doing it right, Julie, because this is your journey! And it's beautiful! FYI, I have a non-profit that in the past has done some mini-extreme makeovers for women in need. I'm revamping my vision for families who have lost children. If you do ever want help one day setting things out or framing certain pictures of Polka Dot, I'd love to come alongside you, if you want.
You are not a jerk at all, rather a Mom who has a precious daughter in Heaven and misses her like crazy. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. I just found your blog and it's very inspirational and real. Thanks for sharing your thoughts as you go through this journey! Melissa
You are doing everything right Julie and your sharing here is one of the best things that you can do. Polka Dot will never be forgotten and she will always be in your heart. Constant reminders were painful for me 28 years ago and they still are at times but remember... grief is a personal journey and there is no wrong way to do it. Please know that you are in my prayers and that you made my day when you stopped by daily blessings. You are an inspiration for others and that is a blessing indeed!
Hi Julie, I was just checking in on your page as I try to do every now and then to read your latest post. I had to comment on this one! You know me, always quick to defend you against yourself! Jerk can't be found in a vocabulary anywhere around the name "Julie". Far, far from it in fact! I remember it was just a couple of weeks ago when you, me and my sis were sort of talking about this and how hard it is to take things off one's fridge or put things away. For me it was difficult to remove Emma's picture, program and ribbon off my fridge. I felt like I was afraid I wasn't going to contiue to honnor her, and, I was worried about what you would think if you noticed I took that stuff down... And now, you know who is there: Cutie Pie Carli and Big Bro Jackson. I still have Emma's stuff in a special place as I know you do too. Even if I didn't keep it, I know now that I'll always have a place for her on my internal posting board, my heart. I am sure it isn't easy to change things like this and move on in a different way... I just wanted to let you know that you can change things, like the look in your living room or the pictures in your frames and all those that love you and Emma will know she is always there. Love, Jaime
Jerk is not acceptable. You are being healed in your heart by the birth of your new babe. I know the feelings EXACTLY!! I have always said that another babe does not take the place of my loss, but it sure does give the mind somewhere else to focus. I had just moved Adam's things downstairs when we found out we were expecting Aaron. I felt like the 'jerk' having to go downstairs and dig around in the tubs to find the handmade thank yous we had used for Adam, so as to not repeat ourselves with Aaron. I remember thinking how sad it was that I had moved his things downstairs.
Don't worry about keeping her pics out, I have one in every room of each of the boys. My childrens' friends know that they have 2 brothers in heaven, so they know exactly who they are.
I'm happy to read that you're healing, never to be forgotten, but getting stronger! God's Grace is Good!!
XOXO
P
The car was the right place for you that day, with some glass like a veil between you and a place in your heart. I don't know you and your family at all beyond Polka Dot's Place, but I think you have moved through this trial in ways your husband and children fully understand (though I know there are days that it may not seem so).
The new frames and photos are the right thing to do, but only you knew when it was the right time to do it.
Just making sure you are okay. I miss hearing from you. Stop by or email when you get a chance.
I keep you and your family in my prayers.
Have a great weekend!
Hi Julie,
It's Jen...do you remember me? I am "kind of" back into the blogging world! HA! :)
Congratulations on your BEAUTIFUL new daughter. She has a striking resemblance to both her big sister and brother!
In regards to your post, honey, you are not a 'jerk' at all. You are a grieving momma and everything you do is right for you and your family. Emma knows how much she is loved and cherished in your heart each day. Hugs to you! My prayers will continue...
jen
I think I finally figured out how to respond to this the right way : ) When someone experiences a loss that is so devastating, "right" or "wrong" goes out the window. Whatever your heart tells you in that moment is the "right" thing to do. Also, I believe that God is always watching out for you, and he knew that day you needed to stay in the car.
The other thing I wanted to say was that I think having Emma's pictures framed is a special way to honor her. Taking down the "shrine" as you put it, is an obvious step toward your healing.
Hope to see you guys soon-
Candice
Not a jerk at all.
I just realized that I had not checked in here in ages - and I obviously hadn't because I had no idea you were expecting, let alone had had another little one! Congrats on the beautiful Carli - and she definitely does look like her big sister (although I think Miss Emma still takes the cake on best baby lips ever).
I hope time continues to heal your heart.
I just found your blog tonight and read the entire thing. It is amazing how much reading other's stories of loss can help. My daughter would be two tomorrow. It looks like we both had beautiful healthy baby girls born this past January. I will have to check back in on your family.
p.s. Hope you don't mind, but I will probably borrow a couple of the poems on your site to share on my blog.
Hey, blogger friend, it's been a while.
Hope all is well with you and yours. Hope you're having a wonderful summer.
Julie,
I want you to know we have been thinking of you like crazy and I admire what a strong person you are. And, that would not be a jerk!
I love you and your family so much!!
Lindsay Barnes
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